Frustrating Friday

I have been meaning to apply for a fresh passport for myself and a new one for Ranbeer.
I do have a valid passport but I needed to change my name (add Chowdhary), also change my permanent address for Rajouri Garden to GK II and have the spouse name added.
Ranbeer, ofcourse, needed a passport of his own. Chota was going to be the next child prodigy travelling across the world with his famous mom !
I figured out that you can fill the form online at https://passport.gov.in/ and you can opt for an online “appointment” to go and submit your application.
I was mighty impressed with the efficiency of the government to cater to those like me who would search Google (in the sense of using the word internet) even for the most stupid of queries.
Therefore, armed with all the possible documentation like original certificates, self attested photocopies, photocopies which have highlighted and relevant details marked out in florescent pen etc, I went ahead for my appointment at 12 PM to the Head Passport office in Bhikaji Cama Place.
I was probably looking forward to a smart middle aged passport officer, who owned a Blackberry and his MS outlook calendar showed SHIPRA CHOWDHARY at 12 PM.
At 11: 30 AM, when I reached, I was woken to rude shock of being pushed into a sea of people jostling for space and air time with the passport officers.
Hello online application club, where was the royal treatment??
I was told by a helpful guy (there was obviously no May I Help You Desk) to stand in a long line of at least 10-12 people. Somewhere on the overhead was a small sign saying “aunline aavendan” (online application)
So this is it? Yup Shipra Chowdhary, get your ass outta lala-land. This is it. Nothing has changed over the last so many years in this place. There are harassed and confused people everywhere, and the only difference is that they have a LINE for online applicants.
I also figured (after I got down from my dream bus) that apparently, there is no concept of “appointment at a given time”. Some of the people in my line have appointments much before my time and their chance hadn’t come.
So I start to wait in the line counting my minutes…the clock says 12, 12:15, 12:30 and now I am starting to shit some little bricks in my pants.
What if my chance doesn’t come at the counter before 1 PM. Gawd…its sarkari lunch time then till 2 PM. Its 45 degrees of heat outside, the AC inside the hall is obviously ineffective with atleast 300 people in one room, I have begged for half day from work and I just CANNOT afford to come back to this mess again.
Thank God for small mercies. I reached the counter at 12:50 PM. The guy on the other side was wearing a strawberry coloured shirt ( I’ll call him the pink shirt guy for now) and had a scowl on this face that reminded me of a Sadashiv Amrapurkar movie, where the baddie is about to begin rape. This is how it went.

PSG : Paper dijiye
SBC : (in Best “Sirji” tone) Sir, do passports hain. Mera aur mere bacche ka
PSG : ( flipping pages) Abhi passport valid hai
SBC : Haan ji. But I need to get my name changed, address changed and husband name added
PSG : Address proof kahan hai?
SBC : ( who told me to smile at this one though ) Sir address proof ke liye to passport banva rahi hoon
PSG : ( The look : very stupid joke)
SBC : Sir, I mean, look at this, here is my marriage certificate ( mental pat on my back) Here it says my new address
PSG : ( Mental slap on my rear) Yeh nahin chalega, kuch aur do
SBC : Sir, nahin chalega, why
PSG : Marriage certificate valid document nahin hai.
SBC : ( Suffocating a WTF scream) Sir, official document hai , District Magistrate ki signature hain, valid kaise nahin hai….
PSG : Bola na, valid nahin hai. Jaaoo bank mein account kholo
SBC : ( Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh…..thank god Manish and I have a joint account in the GK II branch which has a M 57 GK II address) At this point, in micro milli seconds, I knew this application was a goner and this visit was a waste. But I still persisted..
SBC : So balance statements from a bank will do?
PSG : Yes, I need statements for one year at least.
SBC : But just now you told me that I need to open an account first. So I open an account and wait for a year and then apply?
PSG : Madam, proof le kar aayiye , bas ( end of argument kind of look)
SBC : Accha mere bacche ke documents to dekh lijye
PSG : ( Look, grr she doesn’t give up) Okay
PSG : Flip documents, scowls, bites his lip and punches at the computer. Rs 600 please
SBC : Wow, okay here.
PSG : Yeh lo ( with the aage baro look)

So Ranbeer had better luck than me. I got stuck as I didn’t have “valid” address proof.
I’ll have to do it again. However my notions of processes going electronic for the benefit of the public have all melted away in the May heat. There is no room for logic or petition. The guy at the other end is just as rude and insensitive to people’s time and effort. Maybe this is his everyday job and he isn’t paid to smile or sympathise.
Maybe as a country we have a long way to go before my dream of a Blackberry flashing, calendar checking PRO gets fulfilled. Maybe I will have a better day the next time I have courage to brave the system and stand in a line for 3 hours before I get rejected on i-don’t –understand-why grounds.

Folks, have you been disappointed with the bureaucracy before? You must tell me !